It’s hard to believe, that a year’s gone by, feels like yesterday. Strange how it seems, I knew back then, I’d feel this way today.
It’s been extremely difficult, I’ve been through every emotion and with great hindsight, if I could turn back the clock and change things I would, however knowing what I now know, I would say that for the effect it has had on me, it has been worth it. I am more like my old self, events have conspired to bring out the best in me once more and I’m in many ways much like the 27-year old guy who had everything together, worked-out and had so much love to give. It’s just a terrible shame it took the break-up of the relationship for me to realise how far away from the person she fell in love with that I became. Then again, she wasn’t the person I fell in love with either…
My three moves since leaving London, to live with my family, in Birmingham and now Dublin have each taught me something about myself, my relationship with others and helped me to find myself and the things I want to achieve in my life a little better.
Through it all I’ve emerged much stronger mentally and emotionally although physically the lack of exercise has made me weaker!
The knowledge of surviving, choosing life and a new direction over the easy option of sinking, wallowing into doubt, self-pity and depression has at least given me something to feel proud of, although I would rather prefer not to still walk alone. Even as time and lack of contact continues to make us both more distant she will always be a special part of my life for the way she enriched it.
A new relationship must be allowed to form, the walls that were built around my heart to protect me must now be destroyed in order that they don’t imprison it and prevent someone else from coming in and loving me. If I fail I will not be able to progress and learn how to love again but I’m hopeful that both the hands and sands of time will heal (albeit with some permanent scarring).
